because it’s crazy and control-less.
May has come in like a lion for me. I know that saying pertains to March but for me the fact that we are on the seventh day of May and I feel completely out of control makes me say that. Why do I feel completely out of control. Well it’s a long list. But I’ll give you the readers digest version. My house is a mess. My mind is a mess. My body is a mess.
House: No matter what cleaning I get done; my family of five wrecks it. I barely get one job done and it will already need to be done again. It’s so maddening to know that the labor I put in around here barely holds off the floor of destruction. That is when I can actually work. Since Lucas as figured out how to get into the back yard. I’m mostly chasing him back into the house. I’ll be half way into a job and realize that he’s escaped again an it’s back out into the yard. So the job I was working on is left undone–normally worse than when I started it–and it takes hours if not days to get back to do it.
Mind: I know everyone has things on their mind. We never know the true depth of a person’s brain/heart pain, agony, thoughts, ect ect. But for me; my problem is that my mind runs a mile a minute. I jump from one thought to the next without batting an eye. I”m mixing metaphors because that is how my brain works. It’s something new every minutes. I feel as if I need to fix the world and all its problems. but there is a big hindrance and that would be my brain. One second I’m loading the dishwasher and the next I have thinking about how the laundry needs to be swapped around and it’s like I will abandon a project. Which is the second biggest reason my house is out of control. (Lucas is still the first) I have my list of things that need to be done. I tell myself to focus on one task at time. But it never sticks to that plan. I”m like Doug the dog in Up. I’m going along and then I’m yelling squirrel and go chasing it. Except I’m not a dog and my squirrels are various weird task and thoughts. It’s like living in a fog. I think I see the sun and chase it, only to find it was a another dead-end. See there I go again spinning in a new metaphor. Seriously. I”m going to stop talking about the brain being out of control before someone calls men in white jackets.
Body: First I’m 29-year-old. Second I have had SEVERE, angry, horrible, nasty, devastating Allergies since I was 12. So while I have yet to find a good solution. I’ve tried just about everything known to man to not be in misery. So when I say that my allergies are out of control right now–I do not want advice–I do not need to be told it only a short time. I do not need words of encouragement. I’m just venting and I have a plan. It’s just a matter of venting my frustrations. With that being said. My allergies are crazy right now. Everything and it’s mom is in bloom. On top of that my sons force me to be outside where someone is always cutting the grass. Making my problems worse. I live in my house. Where I control the temp and the air filters and that eases my suffering. Outside I lose that control and my nose turns on like a faucet. That won’t turn off. This year compounding that issue my sinus are draining and sucking so much. Then my body has decided to throw the switch on the headaches. I’d stopped having the bad ones, but the bad ones are back. Then on top of all that, as if that wasn’t enough, I have a cold. A chest cold; but a cold none the less. It’s been a tough couple of weeks. But I feel that the cold is about through. I was able to take some meds that really knocked it out. Thank God for that.
That is my venting. Everything is out of control. The one thing that is in my control is my response to it all. That is something I’ve been working really hard on. Because I no longer am allowing myself to fly off the handle. I’m not zen about things, but I’m not going to lose my temper. Yes, people, I have a temper. It’s not pretty when I lose it. I will be the first to admit that. But in all seriousness, I’ve put my foot down to myself, and I’m done flying off the handle. I’m trying really hard to take the time out needed to breath before a reaction. This is needed. This is for every ones best. So my reaction to everything being out of control is one things at a time and one task at time. And I’m always seeking the control and order I feel comfortable in. But I’m bending and am not being rigid. So my reaction has been better to the mess of the house and the mind. The body, I’m flat-out mad at, but, there isn’t anything I can do with that. So….for now. I suppose,
that is all.