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Monday, Oh Monday

Why do you have to be the end of the weekend?  Why must I start work again.

 

So where am I?

It’s Monday Morning. I’ve showered, semi dressed (t-shirt and pj pants) and am about ready to start writing for Annie with Elance and working on the Monday to do. While the list holds most of the Monday norms-kitchen work mostly it also holds things for the Hallelujah Party which is coming up very fast. I feel vastly under prepared, though it seems as if it is all I’ve thought about for weeks. I’m also working on AOS post today because I have two sneak peeks to get up. There is also two post I need to get up on The TV Watcher. There are done, edited and everything. I also want to watch 2 episodes of anything and write reviews. But there are other things too, like laundry because last week I just didn’t do it. I folded the previous weeks clothes last week, but didn’t wash anything new. So I need to play catch up. I really hate laundry. I really do.

So there is all the things that I need to do. There is all the work that has to be done. And the fact I showered already and that woke me up I feel as if I can get it all done. Annie has already emailed me back with my first assignment, 400 words on research papers. Easy but boring. I feel like I write a variation of the same assignment every time and while I’m thankful for the steady work, I’m not a fan of the same boring assignment.

This weekend was incredible. I swear. It was annoying. But it was good. First on Friday it was a nothing night, I think I cooked and we watch Girl Meets World and I put the kids to bed early. Just a Loki night with nothing. Because Saturday we had to be up and at them first thing. Haylie and I went to the Princess Breakfast at SK that is sponsored by the Tennis team. She has so much fun meeting the princesses and the food is good and they have the activities that they do. Wand making, coloring, nail polish. The works for a little girls dream. And while I love taking her I’m sad because she growing up so fast, she might have been one of the oldest girls there, so I fear that next year she won’t want to go. I hope I’m wrong but there is a fear. Then that afternoon she and I went to Farm Haven, in Union with her girl scout troop for a pumpkin patch. It was so cold and dreary that it was gross, but it was really fun too. She was a heathen. I’m not just saying that either. She was the kid that was shouting. She was the kid running away and then running around. She was the kid that was give me give me. And that really gets on my nerves. I don’t like her being that way. I don’t like her being so demanding and unruly. I then fell, well almost fell leaving the farm. I just took a misstep and that lead to me over correcting and making my body go stiff, and then making my knee hurt.

Sunday was the best day of the weekend. We were up early again, and then we hit the road for a day trip. We went to Mt Sterling Ky again for the Court days. I set out with a cedar chest in mind, and somehow we just missed them. Either they weren’t there or we missed a section of the area. So I didn’t get one, or anything other cool treasures, but I did get a coat that I’ve been wanting forever. It was 20 dollars, and you just can’t beat that. It’s grey and just what’s in style. So I’m pretty excited. I know I have a bunch of coats, but sometimes you just can’t pass up what you want at a great deal. You just can’t. I also got a new purse. Yes, I bought a purse. I get to have a purse again. I’m tired of carrying a diaper bag, and I did just buy a new tote bag as well, but I’ll use both. If I ever get a social life I’ll have the purse, plus I can take it to church. So I’m excited. Phil got some thing he wanted, but not the gun he set out for. That will have to be a next year find. But the coolest find of the day is the fact that day found and was able to buy the gun that he’s been searching for about five years. So I’m super excited about that.

It was a very long day. We didn’t get home until after nine, but it was a very good day. Luke and Randy only fussed a bit and overall were good. Haylie wanted everything that she laid eyes on, but was still pretty okay. I am really hard on her right now, and I hate it more than she knows, but i need her to lose this need to be greedy. I can’t give her the world, and she wants me too. It’s complicated.

So my weekend was good. I’m happy that we were able to go and do something as a family. I’m glad we were able to do a trip before the weather takes a turn for the worse. Because WINTER IS ON IT’S WAY and I’m not ready for it. I’m just not. I’m loving fall though, and wish the rain would stop. But that is where I am right now. On a physical pain level from the walking. But on a happy swing from the great weekend I had. Now just hoping that once I get off here, i actually do the things I need and want to do. So for now. That is all.

Tuesday Check in:

 Blogging because I want to.

So what is up in my life for this check in. Well the same old, same old. I say that because while every day is a new challenge and adventure in the world of being a parent to a girl and two little boys. It’s the same. Every day I get up and debate whether I want to put on pants. Most days I don’t. PJ bottoms are just fine, and no one really comes and sees me so I don’t have to dress for anyone but my own comfort and I feel good that I put a bra on. Why push it with jeans. because while I love a good pair of blue jeans, and love how they can make me look, I just don’t see the point in wearing them at home when no one is around. I might do it some days for just the self-esteem boost of getting dressed and not feeling like a slob.
Every day I do my best to clean some room of the house that is a mess again by the time I go to bed. No matter how much work and time I put into it. I have to try because when I don’t try (and there have been days when I haven’t tried) I feel like a big giant “F” word. FAILURE. It’s a word that I no longer want in my vocabulary. Everyday it’s sitting at the computer and wasting time on Pintrest and Facebook and working on articles and blog post like this one. But the blog post make me have a level of daily writing. Most of the post are on AOSFans.com and don’t get me wrong I love the work I do on it. I love the feedback I’ve been getting from strangers. So that makes me feel great and as long as I feel I’m being reward and happy with the blog I’ll stay with it. I’ll keep going at it. But it’s part of the daily task. It’s every day of playing the “No” game. No we don’t hit. No we can’t jump down the stairs, No we don’t have candy before supper. No we don’t this or that. I want to tell the kids yes, and I do, but they want to do some thing that are just dangerous. Every day it’s listening to Mickey Mouse play on the TV–except for the days I take the TV over, like yesterday 12 episodes of Gilmore Girls. Thank you Netflix. Everyday is the same. There is variations of course. But it’s always the same. There is nothing wrong with it, but I’m starting to feel that itch again. That itch to mix it all up and make the same change. Make a new go about something. I just don’t know what to do or even how to do it. Since the tiny ones need me to take care of them and setting them onto anyone else seems cruel.

But yea. I was texting my cousin Kelly and she asked me how I get anything done and that sort of sparked this blog check in post. Because truth is, I don’t ever really get anything done. I mark things off my to do list but it’s like as soon as I finish a task, i just have to add it back to the list for the next day or at least the next week. I finish a book, I start another one. I finish the laundry, and there is already dirty laundry. I give the boys a bath, one of them smears food all over them. It’s like no matter what I do accomplish there is always a new task to replace it. So i again feel like the stupid “F” word and I’m always doing something. I know it’s easy to think that because i’m a stay at home mom that I don’t do anything and trust me I have that own though about myself too, like I’m just wasting my time since I’m not working, I’m not having a career, but the truth is I’m doing a ton of things that never stops. It’s the same as a career. If i was in a newsroom. As soon as I filed one story, another one would take it’s place. But at least I’d feel like I did something. While at home I never feel like I’ve done anything.

I’m changing subjects now because I can feel myself going into that pity me place and I have no desire to enter that mind frame. I’m working on a huge elance article. 5000 words. it’s a lot. I should be doing that instead of this. But what can I say. I needed to do my 750 words as well and typing a blog post out on that, seems like a could use of one stone but hitting two birds. Get my word count and create a blog post. The 750 site is where I normally type my devotionals as well, even sometimes my elance articles. So that I’ve kept count of the number of words that I’ve put onto a screen in a day.
In one hand I think it might be cheating but on the other hand 750 words can be used in any way i see fit. It’s the way it works. The tag line is “private, unfiltered, spontaneous, daily.” So it doesn’t have to be anything. I’m mostly using it to get used to writing a 1000 words a day since NANO is coming up.

Yes, NANO. I’ve officially decided that I’m attempting NANO again this year. I’m trying to prepare myself better that I have previous years. One on hand I’m very excited about it and on the other hand I’m dreading trying to fit it in with my daily routine. But i feel if I use the 750 words to type that daily word count it will be okay. It will just take a little long on the 750 words but that should be okay. Because right now I’ have 1105 words done (not all on this post) and that is about what I’ll need to write daily for NANO.

Since my phone just rang, that is all.

Blogging for the sake of Blogging

Thursday Check In:

I know I haven’t been posting the normal stuff the past few weeks. It’s not that I have forgotten or anything I just haven’t been able to pinpoint a theme for the month of October. Once my September post ran out I didn’t have any prepare for October. I know it’s Halloween month and that would be an easy theme, and maybe for funny Friday that would be okay, but for Monday and Wednesdays I just can’t see that working. I just need to come up with something and then i’ll get them all prepared.

Here lately I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on me and my life. I have been trying to find a place and balance of happiness for me. I know that seems silly because I have a great life. But you have no idea how much I identified with Sara Drew character in the movie “Mom’s Night Out.” I just feel like a failure in my life, I feel like there is so much I’m not enough for. I’m trying to take to heart the idea from the movie that I’m just not enough for me. That I’m putting too much pressure on myself. Because truth is I am. I want all these things for me. But it’s only for me. It’s not for my family, it’s not for God, it’s just for me, because I have this idea of what a good wife and mom is based on a fictional idea from the world. So I’ve been trying to praise myself instead of tearing me down. I have enough people who tear me now, I don’t need to do it to myself.

There is this great gif set on Tumblr of a little girl with a coffee mug, saying it doesn’t matter what others thinks, “because I love me.”/ And it’s just so inspirational, because she loves herself, she’s got such a simple concept down and she’s a small child. I want to know why me, as a grown adult can’t seem to hold onto that concept. You don’t have to love me, I love me, but more importantly and what I know is GOD LOVES ME. So I’ve been working on trying to fix myself to the point where I know I’m loved. I know I’m enough and I’m doing things that makes me feel good about myself.

I have had a rough patch since I’ve left school, since I’ve had a third child, since I’ve felt like a failure. Like I’m not enough. It’s my own personal insecurities that I shouldn’t be posting about but writing is how i work things out, sharing is almost a compulsion anymore. Besides I feel that if I’m honest about my own problems, that maybe i can help someone and they can feel like they aren’t alone. I just want to maybe help someone. If I can. So since I’m recognizing my problems, I won’t let anyone hold them against me. Because I know I’m not the only mom/ wife/ person out there that feels like she isn’t good enough. But this rough patch as only made me want to fix myself in every way that I can. I want to find myself in a place where I’m enjoying life, not suffering through it. And while I’m still having moments of set back and doubt, I feel like I’m getting there. I find myself able to stop my chores and duties to play and smile and laugh with the babies I’ve been blessed with. And that is a huge HUGE improvement over the stress of feeling like these babies are meant to kill me. (Yes I’ve had that thought) (Yes, I’m sad to admit that.)

So other than trying to find the joy in life again. Self-reflecting to be a better person. I have started the business of blogging again. I say business loosely because I’m not making a dime off the time I put into it. I wish I was. I wish i was some mommy blogger that sold space on my blog to earn money or free trips to Disney, but that just hasn’t happened yet. (Holding onto hope that it might one day.) I’ve written reviews two days in a row and got those up on TheTelevisionWatcher.com I’ve been working really hard on the fan site AOSFans.com and I’ve been doing really good at my elance articles. (The one dollar per article job.) So I feel like I have the me stuff down. Plus now that it’s October I have to start planning and preparing for NANO since I’m doing it this year. I’m pretty determined to win as well. I want to win. Just finish one novel in my life, and if it goes from there, awesome that is the way it was supposed to go. But if i just finish and print it out and place it in a folder in my trunk I’ll be happy too, know I wrote something from start to finish. NANO is something I’m really excited about. I’m really excited to start it.

I’ve also been hanging out with Haylie. We went on a great field trip a few days ago. I have been able to take her to girl scouts and listen /watch her learn and have a good time with her friends and explore the world of helping. I am so thankful that my mom has been so helpful to watch the boys while I spend time with her. She might drive me nuts (Haylie that is) but she’s a fun person to hang out with. I’m really glad that she’s a fun kid. I just want her to stay a kid forever.

I really don’t know what else to say other than I’m glad I’m making some personal progress. I just hope to make so progress in some other areas. Areas I’m not ready to talk about on the inter-webs for anyone to see. So I suppose …
…that is all.

Thursday Throwback

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Me and Trista Jade, when she and the Fabulous Ladies in my life visited me in NC for their spring break.

This lady is my best friend. I love her more than words describe.  I miss seeing her daily.  But I know she’s there and she loves me just as much as I love her.

Tuesday Check In

So I haven’t updated in a while. I had all these plans this summer, then I got into this big giant funk that I’ve been fighting with blogging and time. Hopefully I’ll get past that by just pushing through it.


I’m a planner. I like to plan thing. Once the thing passes though I’m like a deflated balloon questioning if it was worth it. If everyone had fun. That was the case the past few days after I spent all this time and money on the kids birthday parties this weekend. Haylie’s was first: a slumber party. She invited 7 girls, but two didn’t show up, so with Haylie there was 6 girls who had spent Friday night. LOUD! The girls were loud. But they had fun. It was a frozen theme. and while i”m not a great decorated, i think it looked good. I had the banner, I had the table decorations, An AMAZING cake I don’t care if i’m tooting my own horn that cake was difficult and it turned out so great that I’m just glowing with pride. i don’t care how bad that may or may not be. It was a great cake. We did pin the nose on Olaf. We had a pinata. It was just a fun time. At least I thought so. I wasn’t as prepared as I want to be, but it was fun.

 

Saturday we did Randy’s party slash Haylie’s friends party. I was more prepared for this party. Though not everyone we expected to show up, showed up. We had a great crowd. We had fun and the kids had a blast. I highly recommend all parents take their kids to Country Pumpkins. It’s just a fun time. The corn box was loved by my kids. It was just fun. The shelter we rented was good. I wish we’d had gone for a longer amount of time. But the two hours we where there was fun; a really great time.

 

My planning paid off, I hope. I hope everyone was happy and had a great time; I’m glad everyone who came was there. I love that my family will take the time to celebrate my kids.

 

In other news. I’m planning the next things down the pipe and I can only hope that they will turn out well. I have the hallelujah party at the church, trick or treating with the kids, NaNoWriMo, thanksgiving, Christmas, my anniversary, the new year. Then the calendar resets and it all starts again. A new year and that will be a wow moment.

 

Thing are like a wheel, they constantly turn. Things keep going. While I may not be running the world daily. I do things daily. Like I care for the kids, the house, I write for Elance. I hang out with my amazing neighbor. I plan for things. I always have thirty things on a to-do list. I just want to do more. I want to always keep that wheel spinning at a 90 mph, and then I tend to crash. But that is what keeps it interesting.

 

Things I have planned:

  • NANO
    parties
    Blogging
    cleaning
    writing projects
    daily devotionals (improving at doing them daily)
    voting for Emily to win her adventure
    more cleaning.
    NANO (last years story)
    Improving the house
    List making. ( I love me list making)
    Reading more books. (I have this challenge on Goodreads, I want to win it)
  • That’s about all.

I think this has been a good Tuesday update. If i do these every Tuesday I could be winning. Now to go get some peppermint tea and do something.

~that is all.

Monday Baby

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my baby girl, from 2007.  This little baby face has to make you smile.  

Thursday Throwback

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A sleeping Haylie from 2011.

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